Just A Thought ~ CHEAP COMFORT

"Never does one feel so utterly helpless as in trying to speak comfort for great bereavement. I will not try it. Time is the only comforter for the loss of a mother."

~ Jane Welsh Carlyle (1801 - 1866), Scottish Essayist ~

Unless we are prepared for it by long and deep reflection, the death of a loved one is so traumatic that bereaved people are often numb with pain and impervious to even the bestmeant advice. Very few people are like the philosopher Chuang Tze who, when a friend visited to offer his condolences after his wife died, was found singing and beating a drum. Asked the reason for his unseemly behavior, Chuang Tse replied that since no amount of grief would ever bring his wife back, he might as well cheer himself up by singing rather than being sad. This is the fortitude that comes from insight, but it is rare.

Beware of offering cheap words of consolation, which may sound callous and cruel in such situations. This doesn't mean there is nothing we can do, however; far from it. If you know the bereaved well enough, go to her/his home, and without asking if there is anything you might do, do something that needs doing; make tea, cook a meal, tidy up a little, feed the animals, vacuum the house, water the garden ~ things that your friend might not have the energy to do; show that you care; there's no need to say anything; just be there, a friend in time of need. My mother always used to say "A little bit of help is worth a lot of pity", meaning hands-on speaks louder than words.