Not This, Not That ~ BITS AND PIECES
While
I was in India, I got a letter from Sheila, telling
that mum was back in Australia; things had not worked
out in England. She’d gone to see Jim almost
as soon as she’d got there, but he was in hospital,
with gangrene, and although their initial meeting
was cordial, they’d been living with images
of each other that were out of date by over 50 years.
His daughter instant disliked her, thinking she was
a gold-digger, and turned Jim against her. Needless
to say, mum was bitterly disappointed, and decided
to return to Australia, with all the hassle that involved,
as she’d had her pension made payable to her
in England, and had nothing to go back to; her granny-flat
had been emptied. Back she went, and had to start
all over again; lots of trouble for Sheila.
I’d also received a letter from someone in Malaysia
telling me she’d met a person I’d long
been looking for: Teoh Bee Huat, someone
I’d met in Taiping in ’73. She’d
given me his address and phone-number in K.L., and
so upon landing there, I called and asked if he could
pick me up. He did, and it was good to see him again
after such a long time. He was unable to take me to
his home to stay for lack of space, so drove me to
Wong’s, where I stayed for a while until I noticed
a funny atmosphere, and asked him, “What’s
wrong?”
”I think you know,” he said.
“Well, I have an idea, but don’t want
to say in case it’s wrong.”
“It’s my wife,” he said, “she
thinks I’m neglecting her for you.”
“Oh, if it’s like that, I’ll leave
and go to stay in the temple again,” I said.
So he drove me there, and when I saw him again, he
told me he had said to his wife: “If you’re
not happy with me, you can go!” If only she
had! I’m sure he regretted marrying this woman,
as she was petulant, possessive and jealous, and really
not what he deserved. By this time, however, they
had a little daughter; the knot was firmly tied.
He visited me often while I was in K.L., taking me
out for lunch in Indian restaurants and so on; he
was fond of Indian food, too.
I made contact with Yeap Tor Hor in Penang, who invited
me to go there for a while. I accepted, and he met
me off the bus after the trip from K.L. This was the
first of many times I would meet him, and he was always
very kind, arranging talks for me, taking me wherever
I needed to go, bringing me to my favored restau-rants
(I was lucky that he also liked Indian food), and
generously supporting me in the printing of my books.
I visited the Brickfield’s Vihara in K.L., and
Dhammananda said to me, “We got your letter.”
“What letter?” I said, “I didn’t
write to you.”
“Yes you did,” he said, “I’ll
show you it.”
I wondered if I was losing my mind. As soon as I saw
it, how-ever, even without reading it, I knew it wasn’t
mine, because I don’t write like that, with
just a few lines at the top of the page, and the rest
blank; I space mine out. The name on it, though, was
‘Abhinyano,’ and it was from Melbourne.
The name was dif-ferent from mine by just the last
letter.
At this time, too, I got an anonymous letter from
a woman in Melbourne, saying that she’d got
my address from one of my books, and telling of her
problems with her husband. Well, I couldn’t
reply, of course, as she hadn’t given an address
either. I forgot about it for a while.
After 16 years, I was to meet Luang Pau again. Hearing
he was in K.L., teaching in a meditation-centre, I
went to visit him, but not having a number, couldn’t
call before going, so he was a bit surprised. He’d
disrobed since we last met; I don’t know why,
and when people started to tell me, I stopped them,
saying I did not want to know. It was good to see
him looking well, dressed in white as an eight-preceptor,
but even then, he could not resist commenting on my
dress. I didn’t say anything about
his, but wondered what he’d learned
from all his years as a monk and meditation-teacher.
I said goodbye, but worse was to come.
As usual, I gave many talks in Malaysia before returning
to Mel-bourne, to stay in Dull Moon for what would
be the last time. I hadn’t been there long,
when an Aussie monk, accompanied by a woman, came
to see me. This was Abhinyano, and I was
later to learn that the woman with him ~ Betty
~ was the one who had written to me anonymously. He
was living in a caravan in her back-garden, but perhaps
I should explain a little about how he came to be
there.
He was from Melbourne, and had ordained in a monastery
in Perth, if I’m not mistaken, but had made
himself unpopular there, and had been shipped off
to another monastery in Eng-land. Here, again, he
was out of place. While there, he met a woman named
Jean, who, learning he wanted to return to Mel-bourne
but didn’t know where he would stay when he
got there (his family were not very sympathetic towards
him), she ar-ranged for him to stay with her friend
Betty and her husband, Charles, neither of whom were
Buddhists as such. How to get back to Australia, though,
without money? Well, it seemed that one of the monks
there had a spare ticket to Taiwan, and some-how transferred
it to his name, so off to Taiwan he went, but without
knowing anyone there. Arriving, with nowhere to stay,
he went to a hotel, and began going out with his alms-bowl
in a nearby market, and received so much this way,
that he was not only able to cover his costs there,
but also accumulated a sub-stantial sum within two
months, before returning to Australia. Now, this was
an anomaly, as he otherwise refused to even touch
money, let alone use it, making it difficult for those
who supported him; also, he insisted upon food being
served to him, and when Betty and Charles went anywhere,
she had to ask one of the neighbors to come in and
serve him the food that she’d left in the freezer
for him; the neighbor probably thought he was nuts;
what purpose did it serve?
He imagined himself as a meditation-teacher, and perhaps
be-cause of his short stature, felt the need to prove
himself and be recognized. Anyway, he decided to do
a retreat, and persuaded Betty to do it, too, but
he must have pushed her so hard that she cracked,
and an argument with Charles ensued, during which
he hit her and she bit him, and when the monk ~ I’ll
refer to him as Tony, which was the name he later
reverted to using ~ inter-vened, Charles promptly
ordered him to leave. But where could he go? I came
in at this juncture and arranged for him to stay in
a Vietnamese temple, but even here, he tried to assert
himself.
The story is more complicated than this. Betty had
been married twice, and had a daughter by her first
marriage, but no children with Charles. I don’t
know how far into the second marriage it was that
she discovered that Charles had been having sex with
the daughter (from when she was just 12-years old!),
and when she became pregnant, he sent her for an abortion!
Betty was devastated when she found out, and why the
heck she contin-ued living with the ratbag ~ though
not cohabiting; she told me she’d not lived
with him as wife and husband for many years ~ I can’t
imagine. Then Tony came into the picture, and stayed
there for two or three years before being kicked out.
His stay in the Vietnamese temple wasn’t long
before he went to Malaysia, trying to do what I’d
been doing there, but again, he upset people so much
that he practically became a fugitive, and his behavior
had its repercussions on me because of the almost-identical
name. He went to Taiwan again, and apparently, while
there, had asked Betty to marry him, and she had accepted,
so he returned to Melbourne. At this point I discontinued
writing to Betty, so I don’t know if he disrobed
in Taiwan or in Melbourne.
Back to Dull Moon, where I was feeling frustrated,
as my hands were tied. I would have plastered the
walls and windows with Dharma-posters in various languages,
so that people might read and get something to think
about when they came, instead of leaving empty, but
my ideas were not appreciated, and while I’d
given about seventy talks during my recent trip in
Malaysia, over the months I was in DM this time, I
gave only seven, and those were to uni-students who
came in for this.
One day, when I was feeling a bit down, an Aussie
lady stopped by and was brought through to me, as
no-one else could answer her questions. We had a nice
conversation, and I told her I felt better and that
she’d made my day. “I’ve
made your day?” she said, “You’ve
made my life!” Apparently, she’d
been feeling much more depressed than I had. She offered
me $50!
One evening, someone came and asked me to visit his
aged mother in a nearby nursing-home. Of course, I
went, and sat quietly beside her bed. There was no
point in saying anything, as she was in a coma and
couldn’t understand English anyway. I asked
the son for a moist face-towel, and concentrated on
it for a while, then told him to wipe his mother’s
face with it. When he did so, her mouth ~ which had
been open for some days ~ closed. That night, he got
a call to say she’d gone, peacefully.
During this stay in DM, I visited a Chinese family
who lived near the temple, and on their living-room
wall was a large picture of storks perched on a pine-tree.
Now, storks, to Chinese people, signify long-life
(like lots of other people, they are very con-cerned
with living as long as possible; the quantity of life
is often more important than the quality). I told
the family that the artist who’d painted this
picture was painting only from an idea and not from
direct observation. “How do you know?”
they asked.
“Because storks habitually perch in the same
place, and there are no droppings on the limb, as
there would have been if the artist had painted from
observation,” I said. “A camera doesn’t
pick and choose like this, but leaves nothing out,
faithfully re-cording just what is there.”
This brought to mind what I’d been thinking
about perspective. We know from young, without being
told or taught, that people and things in the distance
are not as small as they appear to be; in fact, we
know many things that we’ve never been taught,
or we soon learn them. Centuries ago ~ as we can tell
from pre-Renaissance paintings ~ although people knew
what we know about people and things in the distance,
artists didn’t understand about perspective,
or didn’t incorporate it into their paintings.
Giotto, an Italian artist of the 13th - 14th
centuries, was among the first to begin painting people
in a less-flat way than had previ-ously been the custom,
but even he showed parallel lines ~ as in tiled floors
~ remaining parallel instead of converging inwards
to give the impression of distance. He was painting
from ideas rather than direct observation. Now, it’s
important to understand this when we set out to follow
Dharma, as we must learn to see things as are they
are instead of as we would like them to be;
we must learn to put aside our preferences, recognizing
them as the cause of many problems, and try to discover
what is right or wrong rather than thinking
in terms of who is right or wrong.
An Aussie guy came to DM one day, to collect a large
Buddha-image he’d stored there. Seeing me, he
said, “I’m a Pratchekkha Buddha”
(according to the scriptures, there are two kinds
of Buddhas: one, like Gotama, who devotes his life
to teaching, and another who doesn’t teach;
he is known as a ‘Silent Bud-dha.’) “Oh,”
I said, unimpressed, “One of those, are you?
Go on, get your Buddha!” Our capacity to delude
ourselves is seemingly without limits. These nuts
do quite a lot of harm to Buddhism.
One of the Malaysian students who attended some of
my talks in BM, by the name of Lee Yong Chern, introduced
his parents to me when they came to visit him, and
his father asked me if I’d like to visit his
hometown, Kuching, in East Malaysia. I told him that
if I were invited, I would go; I’d never been
to East Malaysia ~ Sarawak and Sabah ~ not knowing
anyone there. He said he would speak to the committee
of the Kuching Buddhist Society where he and his wife
were members. I later got a letter from them inviting
me to visit and give talks there.
Having left the land of my birth many years ago to
travel around the world, I am a stranger there, and
know countries like India and Malaysia much better
than I do England. The place where I was born and
grew up, however, was really quite beautiful, be-ing
in the countryside, and for many years, feeling the
urge to trace my roots, I’d wanted to go back
for a visit. This was my purpose when I left Australia
in January ’95, but first, I made an-other trip
in Malaysia, and even went to Thailand to pay a brief
visit to Dhammaviro and Khemadassi in their mountain-hermitage
near Phang-nga. Another German monk had joined them,
so now they were three. It was good to see them again,
but they were having problems with some Thai monks
who had come to reside at the monastery in front of
the canyon, and al-though Dhammaviro was senior in
rank, he was still a foreigner. The Thais had turned
the local people against the Germans by spreading
false rumors about them, and their food-supply dried
up. Fortunately, a school-teacher-couple from Phang-nga
had become firm supporters, and visited them regularly,
bringing enough food to last until their next visit.
Eventually, however, they had to move away and settle
somewhere else.
Back in Malaysia, I had to go into damage-control
mode in sev-eral places because of Bhikkhu Hye,
the person I’d met in Kuan-tan in ’78,
and who’d gone to California to become a monk
in the City of Ten-Thousand Buddhas. We’d
kept in touch over the years, but gradually, he had
become disillusioned with the place and saw things
he didn’t like. He decided to return to Malaysia,
but was told he would have to disrobe first. When
he refused, they forcibly disrobed him, which made
him very angry. He re-turned to Malaysia violently
anti-Mahayana, and went to Thai-land to take Theravada
ordination. Then he began to rampage up and down Malaysia
denouncing Kwan Yin and saying there was no such being,
upsetting lots of people who believe implic-itly in
Kwan Yin; he also turned on vegetarianism.
I went to see him in Penang, where he was staying
in a Chinese temple, and told him that although I
understood how he felt (I didn’t remind him
I’d been against him going to California in
the first place), he shouldn’t expect other
people to think as he did. If the Buddha didn’t
agree with something of the prevailing culture, instead
of rejecting it, He turned it around and gave it a
different meaning, as He did with the Hindu gods;
if He’d denied their ex-istence, people would
have been offended and might not have listened to
Him. Instead, He used a ‘skillful means’,
and said that yes, there are gods, and that they are
protectors of the Dharma. In this way, He incorporated
the Hindu gods into His system, and thereby didn’t
alienate people. How wise He was. Bhikkhu Hye obviously
didn’t agree with what I said, as he continued
his campaign. Some people are impressed because, during
his talks and in his writings, he often quotes from
the scriptures, but this is mere parrotry ~ and not
of his own experience. He is con-vinced that because
a thing is found in the scriptures, it must therefore
be true. From a passage in the sutras, which tells
that when Sakka-Devaraja (king of the gods),
was being chased in his chariot by demons, he almost
crashed into a grove of trees in which a colony of
garudas were perched, he had come to be-lieve
that there were animals in heaven. But since when
has anything in the scriptures constituted proof of
anything? Unless and until we have experienced a thing
by and for ourselves, we are not in a position to
say it’s true.
News reached me that Jagaro, who had ordained in Bangkok
in 1972, had disrobed, sending shock-waves through
the Buddhist community of Australia. He’d been
the abbot of a monastery in Perth for many years.
My reaction to this was, well, it’s his life,
and up to him to decide what he’s going to do
with it; we take no life-long vows, and may disrobe
whenever we wish to, if that’s what we want.
We’d last met in Perth in 1986, and since then,
I’d read some of his writings, and found them
remarkably open.
I accepted the invitation from Kuching Buddhist Association,
and before going, was requested to give talks on four
consecutive evenings, with set topics. Now, normally,
I don’t plan my talks, but speak impromptu according
to the situation. This time, how-ever, I complied,
and the first talk went so well that I wondered how
I’d be able to follow it up, and expected smaller
audiences. I was surprised, therefore, when even more
people turned up for the second talk, and this one
went equally well, as did the third and fourth. But
I was not too pleased that the English-speaking group
that had invited me made no provision for translation
into Chinese, and so any non-English speakers who
might have been interested had no chance. Nor did
they make an effort to arrange talks for me in other
temples or Buddhist societies in Kuching, but kept
me just to themselves.
"What
lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters
com-pared to what lies within us. And when we bring
what is within us out into the world, miracles happen."
~ Henry David Thoreau, American Philosopher, 1817
- 1862 ~
Indeed. We may
travel the world-wide but must still come back to
ourselves in the end, to find what can only be found
inside.
“Worry
gives a small thing a big shadow.” ~ Swedish
proverb ~
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