Behind The Mask ~ DO IT YOURSELF
If anyone
can help a deceased person in any way, who would be
better-qualified to do it than his or her own family
members? If we demystify the ceremonies that are performed
for the dead and if they cease to be looked upon as
sacred traditions, then we might understand their
purpose and what lies behind them.
If, as all religions claim, life does not
die at the body’s death, if something immaterial
survives and continues—soul, spirit, consciousness,
mind, call it what you like—how is it possible
to help it? Surely, food, clothes, flowers, money
and other offerings are of no use but are just symbols,
tokens of respect, love and concern for the safety
and well-being of the deceased.
Recent research* has turned up many cases
of people being declared clinically dead, but after
some time, returning to life, with accounts of how
it felt to be dead. Such accounts, from people of
various cultural and religious backgrounds, tally
to a remarkable degree in many ways. Many of the dead-who-returned-to-life
told of how they were aware of what was going on around
their just-vacated bodies from their own remote, outside
viewpoint; they recounted, in accurate detail, what
doctors, nurses, and other people said and did in
their efforts to resuscitate the body, of the grief
of relatives, etc. But, although the ‘dead person’
could hear and see all that was going on, he/she/it
could not communicate with the living in any way;
it was strictly a one-way thing. *(See Life After
Life by Dr. J.D. Moody, and other books on the subject).
From this, it can be seen that the ‘dead’
can be contacted, though—as far as this particular
type of research has extended—on a ‘speaking-to’
rather than on a ‘speaking-with’ basis.
It is not known, however, for how long this one-way
channel of communication is open, nor if it is open
in the case of all dead people; it might be for just
a short time, while the spirit or the consciousness
is in the immediate vicinity of its corpse and before
it passes on to new fields of experience; of that,
we are not qualified to speak, as we have only personal
opinions and not verifiable facts. Some religions
tell of an ‘intermediate’ period between
the death of the body and the re-embodiment or rebirth;
some say that this can last as long as 49 days (49,
it will be noticed, is the multiple of 7 x 7, and
to many people, 7 was/is a mystical number for some
reason or other, though there is no objective evidence
to support this, any more than there is for 13 being
regarded as an unlucky number; it is probably just
an old superstition, given weight by people’s
accumulated hopes and fears). Others believe the intermediate
period can last for hundreds of years as we reckon
time on this side of death, while others say that
rebirth takes place immediately upon bodily death.
So on this point there is disagreement and it is best
to keep open minds, without forming any conclusions,
as nobody knows and neither can it be proved one way
or the other. We are concerned here with how to help
dead people, if this is at all possible, and not with
metaphysical speculation.
Let’s suppose—just suppose—that
a just-deceased family-member or friend is still ‘within
range’ of us: what can we do to help him? We
cannot pull him back to his abandoned vehicle, and
it is worse than useless to try, for that might ‘tear
him apart’ between staying and continuing on
the way he must go; we can impede as well as expedite
his passage, and so we should know how to go about
the latter.
If we love someone, we want him/her to be
happy, not to be sad; if we saw him sad we would be
sad, too, and would try to cheer him up and encourage
him to overcome his sadness, would we not? So, suppose
the deceased could see his family and friends sad
and grieving over his death: would he not also feel
sad about that? By grief, we cannot help a ‘dead’
person; in fact, our grief might only intensify his
uncertainty over his new and unfamiliar condition.
Therefore, the best way the living might help the
dead (who are not really dead, but just in a different
dimension or frequency, having left behind their physical
forms), is not to be sad and to mourn, but to send
positive thoughts—and even spoken words; there
is no harm in that—of love and encouragement,
bidding the ‘dead’ person to be strong
and to go on with his journey, as there is no use
in ‘hanging around’. This ‘transmission’
(like a radio broadcast), would be best done in surroundings
where the deceased lived and was happy, and no-one
is better qualified to do this than his immediate
family members or close friends. Why should we consider
anyone more qualified than these? There is no need
to call in outsiders, with whom the ‘dead’
had little or no connection, outsiders who might not
really care, in many cases, about the welfare of the
‘dead’, and to whom it’s ‘just
another’. Moreover, it is not necessary to spend
anything on the ‘send-off’; it wouldn’t
be disrespectful on the part of the relatives to do
things by themselves without spending a large sum
of money. However, the thought of what others might
think and say if the family does not comply with tradition
impels people to spend money that sometimes they cannot
afford. Would this please or help the deceased?
Years before I saw the movie, Ghost, starring
Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore and Woopie Goldberg, I
had felt that some people die so suddenly and unexpectedly
that they don’t realize they are dead, and can
get stuck in that condition for a long time. They
can see and hear everything that goes on here, but
cannot be seen or heard except by clairvoyants or
other gifted people. This must be a miserable condition,
but it is possible—at least in some cases—to
help such spirits, by explaining to them that they
are no longer part of our world, so should ‘let
go’ and continue with their journey. The movie
strengthened my conviction that this is so. I recommend
watching it with this idea in mind; it makes a lot
of sense, and it would be interesting to know of the
research that went into the making of this film.
In the obituary columns of the newspapers
we can sometimes see the words: ‘No flowers,
please; instead, donations in the name of the deceased
may be made to cancer-research [or similar cause]’.
This shows more understanding and is certainly of
more use; moreover, if the dead person was of a charitable
nature while alive, and if he could observe such donations
being made in his memory, he would probably feel happy
thereby, which might cause him to be released, mentally,
from any miserable condition he might be in—or
to rise above it—for joy makes the mind buoyant
and light.
Following tradition, some Chinese people
burn paper houses, paper cars, and other things made
of paper, as well as token bank-notes—’hell-money’—in
the naïve belief that their departed ones will
receive these things in more-real form on ‘the
other side’. What a quaint idea, and also, what
a waste of money, as these things are far from cheap,
produced, as they are, by people who depend for their
living on the superstitions of others who ask no questions
or who are afraid to go against the traditions of
their ancestors. But such practices are rather incongruous
now, and should be quietly left behind. There are
much better uses for money than that! In short: DO
IT YOURSELF!
Now, having reached my half-century, wondering
how I ever managed to get to such a ‘ripe old
age’, I think more and more of my own demise,
and the funeral, if any, that will follow; it cannot
be far away, at the most.
Since 1993, I have carried a note around
in my passport, with the following text:
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
Since I found Dharma
some years ago, I have tried to serve others in various
ways. I would like to continue to be useful even in
death, and so, wherever I die, I wish my body to be
used for medical research and/or organ transplants.
To date, and as far
as I know, my kidneys, liver and heart are functioning
well, and might be useful. However, since 1976, on
and off, I have had severe pains in the left side
of my chest, and none of the numerous doctors I have
consulted about it over the years have given me a
satisfactory explanation; they all concurred though
that it was not my heart. The pain has recently spread
into my left shoulder and arm, where it has never
been before.
My bronchial-system
has also been weak for many years, rendering me susceptible
to coughs lasting months that responded to almost
no kind of treatment. In 1991, such a cough developed
into pneumonia.
I have been free from
headaches, but have had sharp nervous pains in my
arms, hands, legs and feet for no apparent reason.
During my years in the tropics, I also had some rheumatism,
but that faded away. For the past seven years, a pinched
nerve in my right hand has caused permanent semi-numbness
in my little finger and the finger next to it, and
that half of the palm; there is also pain there at
times.
There is no need to
consult my next of kin about this my decision, as
I am a monk and have no wife, children or other dependents
to consider.
This note is now a
bit out-of-date, as since writing it, I finally discovered
the cause of my chest-pains, and have also developed
diabetes, so I’ll have to update it, but the
rest of it still stands.
At one point, I had
some hesitation about it because of the widely-held
belief that the body should not be disturbed for several
days after death, in order for the spirit or consciousness
to disengage itself and complete the process of leaving
the body. But, recalling the story that, in one of
his previous lives before the one in which he attained
Enlightenment and became the Buddha, Sakyamuni had
offered himself to a starving tigress in order to
save her and her cubs, I have decided to go ahead
with the idea for my body to be used for medical research
and ‘spare parts’; I do not want it to
take up space needed by the living (by burial), nor
do I wish it to cause pollution in the atmosphere
(by cremation). If my body is not used for medical
research and spare parts, next in line of preference
would be sea-burial, to become food for fish; there
is little likelihood that this would be allowed, however—nor
burial at the foot of a forest tree, to nourish its
roots—so the next alternative would be cremation,
but in the most economical way possible, and the ashes
scattered on the sea or somewhere on land, not kept
anywhere to cause bother to anyone. A cardboard coffin—such
as is now coming into use in the West—or simply
a shroud like Muslims use, is all that is needed.
I do not want a ceremony,
with monks, priests, beating of drums, ringing of
bells, clanging of cymbals, lots of smoke and so on,
as I do not believe in such ceremonies and am in fact
opposed to them! If I die in a place where I have
friends, I would like a few selected songs to be played
in my memory, as they have Dharma content, and were
meaningful to me, and I have tried to live by their
spirit; also, some readings from the scriptures. I
have made a tape of these and am carrying it around
with me, in order that it may be played at my funeral
and so that I can do it myself. There is no need for
anything other than this. Oh, and no flowers; leave
them growing where they are. Anyone wishing to make
a donation in my name may do so for the purpose of
printing Dharma books to help someone understand something. |