Behind The Mask ~ THIS SIDE
Some
years ago, I was invited to give a Dharma-talk in
a small temple somewhere. Never having been there
before, however, I didn’t know what to expect,
so went with an open mind, but was a bit surprised
to find that the room which had been allocated to
me was completely bare; there was no bed, nor even
a sleeping-mat or pillow; moreover, the linoleum-covered
floor had not even been swept and was quite dusty.
It was interesting to observe my reaction to this
form of welcome: I watched thoughts of annoyance arise
and pass through my mind; it is rather rude and disrespectful
to invite someone to speak and then treat him like
this, I thought, especially as the custom is just
the opposite. But such thoughts were quickly followed
by one more compelling: "I came here to give
a Dharma-talk", I thought, "not to live
comfortably. It is up to me to make what I can of
the situation. I have slept on floors many times—I’ve
even slept on the bare ground, and even in the rain
and snow!—so this is nothing to me!
My talk that evening flowed, and was well-received,
and I was not sorry I had gone there. Moreover, by
the time it came to sleep, the floor had been swept
and a mat and pillow provided, but even if they had
not been, I would still have managed to sleep, following
the successful talk.
If we grow used to preferential treatment,
and expect it as our due wherever we go, we shall
often be disappointed, as there are many impolite
people in the world. Is it our right, as monks, to
always be treated respectfully? Many monks and lay-Buddhists
obviously think so, but such thinking is corrosive.
If we were to become upset when we do not receive
the kind of treatment we think we should get, how
would it be possible to carry on? If we often have
to swallow our pride, it is because the pride is there
in the first place; were it not there to begin with,
we would not have to swallow it.
This is not to condone ill-manners, of course;
certainly not. And it is one thing to show disrespect
to a person, and another for a Buddhist to disrespect
the Dharma. It is perhaps time that something were
said about this, as it is harmful to the one who so
shows disrespect. The above-mentioned case was not
the only time I have been invited to talk and been
rudely received; it has happened a number of times,
and for the sake of helping people to avoid doing
this in future—not just towards myself, but
towards anyone—I would like to say (though I’m
sorry I feel it necessary to say it), that without
due respect for the Dharma, it is better not to invite
anyone to give Dharma-talks, as the basis for success
will not be there. There must be respect towards the
Dharma.
We are often confronted with rudeness, either
deliberate or unintentional. Why are we—and
let’s not separate ourselves from the masses
too soon here, as most, if not all of us are rude
at times—ill-mannered and impolite? It comes
back to the tap-root of all our troubles: Ignorance.
This can be conscious, as when we are deliberately
rude and wish to offend someone, or unconscious, as
when we show bad manners without knowing it or intending
to. Either way, it can be traced back to ignorance,
or not understanding.
I will not tell much of the unequal way
I was treated in the place I was staying when I first
wrote this (in 1994), as it might seem that I was
dissatisfied with my conditions when I was actually
very grateful, having all that I needed, but something
said about it might serve a useful purpose. It was
noticed—by others as well as myself—that
I, as a Westerner, received less-than-equal treatment
compared to the Asian monks there, who were treated
very ceremoniously and respectfully. There really
was a distinction, which might almost be considered
racist. However, I did not really mind this, and actually
prefer to be disregarded than to be made such a fuss
over. Perhaps the reason for the disparity in treatment
was because I do not, as a Westerner, come from a
traditional Buddhist background, and because I am
not much concerned with tradition, considering the
Buddha’s Way to be something to live by rather
than a thing of tradition; I avoid ceremony and show
whenever I can. And, as for people not paying much
attention to me, well, I realize I do not have something
for everyone, and feel that if and when people want
what I have to give, they will come for it, like a
bee to a flower, not the other way around, and that
if they don’t want it, it would be useless for
me to try to give it to them. Have I not said elsewhere
that this thing must be wanted and not just needed
if it is to be of any use? Everyone needs Dharma,
but few want it.
This means that I must often keep things
to myself, but occasionally, someone comes along who
is ready for, and wants, something more than just
bowing and chanting in languages that they do not
understand, and if they want it, I might be able to
provide it. So, I must wait patiently, and try not
to force things.
If people are enlightened already, they
do not need all this; but those of us who are this
side of Enlightenment—which means most of us,
of course—will be ill-mannered at times, because
we are still ignorant, still in the state of unknowing.
No-one is exempt from being abused and taunted.
In the Buddhist scriptures, there are a number of
cases of the Buddha Himself having to deal with rude
people, but He understood that it was through not
understanding that people behave so, and was often
able to help them realize their mistakes. Once, when
someone scolded Him, He remained calm, as always,
and when the man had finished, the Buddha said: "If
you offer something to someone and he doesn’t
accept it, to whom does the offering belong?"
The man replied: "To the one who wished to offer
it, of course". The Buddha then said: "In
the same way, I do not accept your abuse, so it belongs
to you". The man understood, and humbly begged
forgiveness. On another occasion, He explained that
abuse not accepted falls back on the abuser like dust
thrown into the wind.
Since we are, as I have said, this side
of Enlightenment, it is hardly surprising for us to
think negative thoughts, and feel upset by rude remarks
and behavior; it may be considered quite ‘normal’.
However, if and when such thoughts come into our minds,
we need not permit them to remain there and dominate
us. After recognizing them for what they are, we can
change them into something else, or, using one of
the Buddha’s techniques, remove them with a
thought of a different, more-positive, kind, just
as we might use one thorn to remove another thorn
from the flesh.
Frequently, we take personally rudeness
from others who do not know us, and whose abuse is
not directed at us personally, but is just an expression
of how they are feeling, or the level of their evolution,
for which we are in no way responsible. At such times
when we might be abused by strangers, it helps to
think about it so: "This person doesn’t
know me, so how can his abuse apply to me? If he knew
me, he would speak to me differently; he might even
be more abusive than this!" Also, if people knew
of the Law of Karma, and of the Golden Rule, they
would restrain themselves more and not abuse others,
for by so doing, they only hurt themselves, and are
therefore to be pitied. We do not like it when others
are rude to us, and we should realize that others
don’t like it if we are rude to them.
We are imperfect not because we want to
be but because we are not enlightened, and if we understand
this, we will more-readily forgive people who are
rude to us and offend us, and, at the same time, restrain
ourselves from behaving like that to others.
THE END
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